Emotional Fire And Six AMF's
by Jerilynn
Summary: Scully has never had a reason to distrust Mulder...until now? *this story was formally titled "Fearful Rage". The original was written in 2000, the edits have been made in 2010. I do intend on editing this further. The old version has been scrapped.*
1. Sparks and Baiting

Title: Emotional Fire (And Six AMFs)

Category: MSR

Rating: PG-13

Summary: Agent Scully has never had a reason to distrust her partner, Agent Mulder…until now.

*Note: This story takes place quite a while, but not long, after Scully's discovery of Mulder in Diana's arms, written with some of Scully's thought process (In italics) but not necessarily in her POV.*

Disclaimer: This doesn't belong to me, the idea does, but the characters belong to Chris Carter and FOX Productions. The song lyrics are credited back to Cher since I borrowed them for the purpose of this story.

My heart is burning with the heat of this emotional fire…

Every time I see you, I'm on fire, every time we touch…

Can't you feel me burning with desire?

Baby be the one to give me some emotional fire.

10:45 AM, Mulder and Scully's office. February 23rd-

_It hurts to even look at him. He smells of her perfume, even now. How could I be so silly to think that I had entered into his mind in any fashion? We're partners, Dana, stop looking at him like he's your property…because he's not. I love him, despite everything that has ever gone wrong, I love him. What's a woman to do? I can't throw myself at him, nor could I just announce it to the world that I'm in love with my work partner, and I definitely cannot make a move without knowing if he would ever feel the same way—not after seeing, the two of them like they were. I can't understand why you can't see how much I care about you, more than just a partner, and more than friends._ Scully's thoughts raced, her fingers tapping the lacquer desktop. She didn't realize she was annoying him a little. She almost had forgotten he was even in the office with her. She stopped the tapping and began rifling through a file of papers to distract her from looking at him.

"Scully? Are you listening to me? Where is the case file that I gave to you when I came down from Skinner's office?" Mulder asked, as he rifled through each and every file atop his already disheveled desktop.

"Huh? Um, yeah, sorry, they're on the bottom of the stack," Scully seemed off kilter, annoyed even as he questioned, "right where I said they'd be."

She watched him as his eyes darted towards her and then back towards the desk._ That's right, don't answer me right away, take your sweet time. _Scully tried to hide her frustration.

"Well, would it trouble you any to maybe help me look for them?" He knew before even opened his mouth that this was going to cost him.

Her lips parted, taking in a deep breath, as she turned slightly away from his line of vision. Her eyes glared hard in his direction as she composed herself again.

"Well?" Mulder's eyes were dancing as his second attempt to pick at her was seemingly working this time.

"Sure, fine, whatever," Scully's blue eyes burned a hole through him as she stood, took the papers from the bottom of the stack and handed them to him. "There. Anything else I can get you?"

"What is suddenly pissing you off today? You're more uptight than usual, Scully," Mulder knew exactly what button to push this time, he almost smiled as his words effortlessly rolled off his tongue and out at Scully.

_You should know—your mouth seems to get you into more binds without saying a single word, Mulder._ Scully almost smiled at the mere thought of saying that out loud, but she decided against it.

"You know what…forget it. I have had a really long week, traffic was not exactly great today, and once again you bailed on the paperwork yesterday that kept me here an hour later…which earned 30 minutes with Skinner wondering why you hadn't signed off on a case. I covered for you, again," She almost took joy in finally steaming off. _Where were you anyway? Were you off with Diana again?_

All Mulder could do was grin and it wasn't just your ordinary grin…it was one of those shit eating grins that you'd easily punch a lesser person for. Scully bit her lip, glared hard, and sat back down at her desk. _Why are you doing this to me right now? Do I seem to be enjoying it in the slightest, Mulder?_ Scully closed her eyes for a moment to reassure herself that he was maybe just being clueless this time. She pressed her hands together and brought them up to her face, rubbing her eyes, while trying to put together a believable apology.

"I'm sorry." Scully muttered in spite of herself and watched as he continued to grin at her, like a child would. "I don't want to argue…this past month has not exactly been kind to me and I am in serious need of a break. Even one night at home would suffice."

"You're stressed out and that's fine—I shouldn't have pushed the issue when I knew exactly what you'd say," Mulder was already half propping himself up against the side of her desk as he reached out and moved a strand of hair out of Scully's face. "You really need to pick up on when I bait you into an argument, Scully."

She stared blankly at him, her eyes trying to search for any semblance of understanding from him. _You're lucky that I love you or I'd hit you right now, Mulder. Now, why can't I just say this out loud? I don't want to be let down—I don't want to let you in just to push me away for another Phoebe, or Bambi, or Detective White, or Kirsten, or Diana. _

Mulder's lips curved into a soft smile, "I think we should just get back to work and I'll try very hard to be good, okay?"

_If only you knew what you were really baiting me into. Mulder, I wish you understood, I wish you knew how much this hurts. You wouldn't understand._ Scully took a deep breath and flung a dry erase pen at him as he walked back towards his desk.

It missed.

--

Ok chapter two will be coming soon! I have to really re-evaluate this story line and kept realizing that the re-write of the original was STILL too short. Give me suggestions please!


	2. Reasonable Doubt

Chapter Two—Reasonable Doubt

5:45 PM

"I cannot keep going over this paperwork, Mulder; I need to get out of this office and away from this building. It's Friday and for once I need a life," Scully picked up her coat and purse after half slamming a desk drawer shut. _Maybe if I get away from the general vicinity of you for even one day I can start to think clearly. Maybe I won't want to run to you and do what lovers do—I need help. Dana, be realistic with yourself and stop thinking about loving him, he has never indicated to share those feelings towards you. No, of course not, just with any woman other than you._

"For once I am agreeing with that sentiment," Mulder's eyes were fixated on a small piece of paper in his hands.

She tried to take a peek over at the paper, to spy what it was. All she could tell was that it was a phone number and a name…but she couldn't make them out clearly. Diana's _number, I'm guessing---ugh, stop being paranoid._ He noticed her looking in his direction and put the paper back into his pocket.

"Lets have a drink later…or ten, Scully—and forget what happened," Mulder's eyes almost pleaded with her.

Scully looked at him in disbelief and shook her head, "No, Mulder. Not tonight."

_Not going to give myself a reason, or the chance, to slip up and do something with you that you will either regret or blame on alcohol—or that I'll have to blame on alcohol, Mulder._

"It's not like there'll be anything I can say to you about how crazy you are when you drink, because, well, I won't remember right?" He almost didn't understand his own words as he let them come out like verbal vomit. "And it's not like sitting in your pajamas and curling up on the couch watching that romantic comedy you've had rented for 3 days that you still haven't watched constitutes having a life, Scully."

Scully closed her eyes and heaved a great sigh, waving her white flag. "You're at least going to need a designated driver—I'm not letting you pee on the side of a building in a drunken stupor after you've grown impatient of waiting for the restroom to be empty. That and I don't really think I need to receive another phone call at 2 AM from your drunken ass."

"Great! Meet at 9:45?" Mulder wasn't even looking up at her to wait for confirmation. "That little bar down near your place?"

"Yeah, ok," Scully's chest heaved as she walked out of the office. "What have I just been roped into…"

_I have a feeling I am going to regret this._

10:05 PM Grand's Bar and Lounge

"Are you sure you don't want a drink while you wait for your boyfriend, ma'am?" The bartender asked Scully for the fifth time.

"He's not my boyfriend…and you know, yeah, I think I'll have something," Scully snatched a drink menu off of the bar top and started looking at drinks. "He's already twenty minutes late…might as well indulge in a drink."

"Pick your poison, miss," the bartender grinned as though he had just won a game against a skilled opponent.

"A Long Island iced tea?" Scully looked at him realizing it had been a few years since she had a drink with that much alcohol in it. _Preparing for the world's worst train wreck of a hangover ever as soon as this drink is consumed; figure out if you plan on stopping at just one now, Dana. There's just no looking back._

"Do you want diet soda on the top or regular? Some women get really particular about that," the bartender tilted his head as he started to make the drink.

"Regular is fine," Scully smirked and shook her head a few times.

She dropped the menu back down against the bar and looked around a few more times, her face showing the signs of frustration and letdown. _This is exactly what I was afraid of. The one time, the ONE time I agree to go, you're late, Mulder._

The thought crossed her mind that Mulder might've went and found a booth in the back. She didn't want to give in to her irrational thinking quite yet. She had no reason to think he was late for any other reason than for a good one—or that maybe he had gotten there early and went straight to the booths in the back.

"I will be right back for that drink…" Scully leaned across the bar a little to half shout to the bartender, over the music and bar sounds.

He nodded at her as she got down off the stool to check the back areas. Scully's frustration was turning into anger as she dialed his cell number. Her eyes darted to each booth as she put the cell to her ear…straight to voicemail. _Figures. Bastard_, she thought, _he finally gets me to agree to this and doesn't show up. _

She waited for the beep on the other end and attempted to leave an optimistic message. "Mulder, it's Scully, I hope you still plan on showing up at Grand's. Hoping you didn't end up going to the wrong bar. Call me back. Bye."

Scully clicked the end button and put the phone back into her light jacket pocket. She was now ready for that drink but as she started to turn back towards the bar Scully's peripheral vision caught the image of a man that looked a lot like CG Spender sitting in the furthest back corner booth. She looked head on at the man and took a step forward to confirm that it was indeed him sitting in the seat. _I really don't need this tonight. I really don't need this bastard here when I should be enjoying my evening with Mulder._

"What the hell are you doing here?" Scully was nearly fuming now as she tried to keep her voice down.

"Answering that question, Agent Scully, could be more than you bargained for," CG Spender took a puff of his cigarette and put it out in the tray across from him. "Have a seat."

"Not this time. Answer the question," Scully was in no mood for one of his games. _This bastard is lucky I am not armed tonight._

"Where's Agent Mulder tonight? Isn't he supposed to be here with you?" the words struck her like a firm slap.

"Goodnight…" Scully clenched her jaw and started to walk away.

She felt the sting of curiosity in the back of her mind as the thoughts swirled around in her head. She wanted to believe that there was no reason to turn around and listen to what CG had to say to her, but she didn't want to think that the need to hear what he has to say would matter. _Mulder deserves the benefit of the doubt, Dana, don't let this ass take away that chance_. She began to collect her thoughts as she took the few steps back to her seat at the bar.

"Don't you want to know what your partner has been up to, tonight, Agent Scully?" he held out a cassette tape from the inner pocket of his suit jacket. "Or are you just going to continue to believe he's just a little late in getting here…?"

Scully's heart began to pound and her stomach began to ache as she closed her eyes to compose herself. She had no reason to not believe that Mulder had simply forgotten or became sidetracked by something else—but the words stung at her like a willing bee as she turned around to CG Spender, taking the tape from his outstretched hand. She felt sick, dirty even, as she placed it in the recorder from her pocket to listen to it. _Get a grip, Dana, and hold on._

It's a little short I know! I intend on adding more soon. Chapter three is in the works currently. I hope that this chapter will finally update the status of this story so people can give feedback. lol


	3. Seven Drinks Later and Burning Desire

Chapter Three – Seven Drinks Later/Burning Desire

"Does she suspect anything? No, I have her thinking I'll be at the bar tonight by 9:45…I'll tell her that the cab driver got lost. She won't suspect a thing. Oh, yes, I don't think she's going to worry about a thing. Rest assured I'll be there…Ok, talk to you soon…bye."

The voice on the tape was Mulder's. Her heart sank in her chest. She turned around towards the booth in time to see it empty sans a still smoking cigarette in the ashtray half smashed. She choked back a few tears—_replacing the feeling with rage and horror—and walked back up to the bar to where she had sat earlier. Why did I have to fall for him? Of all of the stupid things to do, I fell for him. What am I thinking? This was a doomsday mission to begin with._ Her drink was sitting there, ice melting in the glass. She picked up the glass and contemplated it, studied it even, for a moment before she practically inhaled it. Her throat stung after swallowing the last drop with that all too familiar yet somehow forgotten liquor burn. She made a horrid face, grunted softly, and placed the empty glass back on the bar. She stared down at the empty glass as the bartender walked back over towards her.

"Can I get you another?" He tapped the glass, getting her attention.

"Anything stronger?" Her voice shook, eyes still half glazed over, reeling. _This is not what I wanted. This is not what I wanted. I wanted Mulder to be here and now all I want to do is down a few glasses of liquid courage, then march off to give him a piece of my mind!_

"I'll see what I can do." The bartender was already working on a drink aptly named an AMF or the 'Adios Mother Fucker' as he winked at her again.

She nodded and started swirling the straw in the empty cup around. "How could he do this to me? After all I've done for the X Files…after all I've been through, for him…"

The bartender returned with a tall glass of bluish liquid, a concoction of far too many kinds of liquor Scully postulated. He replaced the empty one for her and took the tip she had left upon the bar. She forced a smile on her face, at the bartender, and resumed drinking quite quickly. She looked down at her watch and noticed it was nearly 10:30 already.

"Ha!" Scully's emotions were doubling over as the second mixed drink was now gone.

She wanted to cry, or break something, as the realization hit that Mulder has in all likelihood never trusted her—and never wanted her trust. She tapped the top of her glass and looked at the bartender.

"The same drink? How was it?" He smirked at her as he noticed that she was wrinkling her nose at the empty glass.

"It was good, really good, what was it?" She smiled at him, half flirting. "What was it called?"

"An AMF, ever heard of one?" He laughed as he gathered a new cup and the ingredients to mix one.

"AMF? I don't think so, no," Scully was perplexed and halfway distracted from thinking about how pissed off at Mulder she was.

"Oh they are initials of what the drink is…it's an Adios Mother Fucker, basically, it's a Long Island just instead of soda to 'discolor' it a bit, you add blue Curacao to the drink. A whole lot of liquor, but people seem to like them." He grinned at her, mildly amused at her lack of drink knowledge.

"Oh-kay, yeah, sounds good," Scully nodded at him, mildly embarrassed that she didn't know what an AMF was.

He made her another drink and again, took the empty glass from in front of her. She took the straw out of the glass this time, raising it up to her mouth.

"Here's to being stood up, to wasting your time on the paranoid, and wasting trust on…him," She gulped it down and winced from the alcohol burn again. "Imagine that."

Another twenty minutes passed and the drink tally went from 3 on up to 5. Scully's consumption of alcohol had brought her to that fine line between tipsy and inebriated—to a point where the expressions of anger had been replaced by a dumbfounded half smile. _I feel like an alcoholic now. Five drinks in under an hour and I'm thinking of at least one more. How pathetic is this that I am out drowning my anger and sadness in alcohol? So pathetic that it's pretty funny. _The bar had begun to quiet as the larger crowd of people had decided to move towards the booths and on to the next bar on the street. Despite the predicament Scully was in, her mind was still racing, and her speech still calm, clear, and collected—characteristics that anyone in her state of sobriety (or lack thereof) would kill for.

"Dana, did you want another one?" the bartender had learned her name somewhere between the fourth and fifth drinks, in between the small talk of why a girl like her was in a place like that.

"I'd like that," She looked at his name tag again, letting a childlike grin appear across her face, "Todd."

He had already made her another by this point and she stared down at the glass.

"To bomb or not to bomb, that is the question…" She mused to herself, "Bomb."

Scully effortlessly downed each drop of liquid and placed the glass on the bar. _I really need to stop drinking while I can still walk._

"Scully?" Mulder's unmistakable voice came from behind her.

_On second thought._ Scully picked up her sixth AMF of the night from the bar and turned towards him while taking a sip. "Yep…"

"I am sorry I am so late but—"

"Let me guess, the cab driver got lost…" She cut him off after downing the rest of her drink. "Save it, Mulder." She turned her attention to the bartender again. "I'd like another drink, but this time, how about that Dead Bastard thing you were talking about earlier?"

Mulder was shocked as he heard the drink order out of her mouth. It wasn't like her to even be drinking, let alone drinking the most alcoholic she could get.

"Sure thing, D, but you might want to bomb this one, this one is a lot stronger than the others," the bartender warned while he made her another drink.

She nodded and started looking through her wallet to get out the right amount of cash to pay the remainder of her drink bill.

"How many of those have you had tonight, Scully?" He pointed at her empty glass.

"None of your business," Scully's voice was shrill by this point, cold even. "You don't trust me—hell, you don't want to trust me, do you? Is that why you decided to not show up when you said you were? I have been waiting here for an hour for you…and you're going to have the audacity to ask me how much I have had to drink?"

"Scully—what are you talking about?" Mulder's confusion was obvious as he looked into her eyes trying to figure out what was making her say this.

"You know damn well what I am talking about," She slammed down the fresh drink in a matter of seconds and paid the bartender what she owed. "I am not going to sit here and let you ruin the rest of my night, Mulder, goodnight."

She picked up her coat and purse, slid down off the stool and shoved by Mulder towards the door. He followed her. Her face was flush, from frustration and the drinks combined. Scully didn't want to look at him at all and she surely didn't want to talk to him while she was drunk.

"Would you just talk to me? How many times could I apologize to fix this?" Mulder implored her, trying to get her to look at him.

He reached for her arm to get her to stop walking away. She flung around facing him and produced the cassette tape in the player from her pocket.

"This, THIS is what you decided to do…this is why no amount of apologies is going to fix what you've done. I shouldn't have even bothered showing up here tonight and let you be the one to drink a lot more than they wanted to. You play so many games with me and I'm so sick of following like a puppy dog. So you got exactly what you've always wanted; you're on your own." Scully dropped the player in his hand and continued to walk away. "I'm not playing games, Mulder, and I'm done playing yours."

Mulder listened to the tape, his eyes closed, his shoulders sank, and his words, however simple, stopped her in her tracks. "Scully, this isn't what you think."

_Oh you fucking bastard. You couldn't just leave me alone, you had to go and do this._ Scully turned around, her eyes spilling over with tears. "It's not is it? Then what is it? Indulge me in a few more of your lies and excuses."

Mulder's eyes dropped to the pavement as each and every word cut him like a knife. "This is what I was late for, Scully."

Chapter 4 is coming up soon…It may or may not be the last one, I'm really not sure yet, this one may even get spruced up even more as it is fairly late and I am experiencing mild writer's block. Hope that everyone likes it so far, though. PLEASE COMMENT WITH HELPFUL CRITIQUES! I will delete negative, unhelpful comments.


	4. Passion Unfolding

Chapter Four

Passion Unfolding

_There's a reason? A real reason?_ Scully's mind was whirling. _Please don't be bullshitting me again, please. I can't look into your eyes if you're pulling the wool over my eyes. I can't take another hurt tonight, Mulder, I just can't._

"There's a reason? Mulder I've gone into the fire over and over for you—nearly lost all I had, to the end and back," Scully's voice cracked, "All for you."

"I've always been myself, Scully, whether you believe that or not," His fingers fumbled with the pocket of his coat, "When all couldn't possibly get worse, there you were, to put me back together. Don't you understand that?"

_Why did you have to be so perfect? Why did you have to go and say that_? Scully couldn't say a word to him as his words drove into her like a car into a telephone pole.

Mulder reached into his overcoat pocket, pulling out a card and a small box that accompanied it. Scully's eyes suddenly tried to meet his. This time Mulder couldn't look at her. This time she had actually hurt him. She felt his pain as her fingers brushed against his as she gently took the box and card from his hands. The next feeling that came over her was the unmistakable sting of regret against her conscience. She stood there dumbfounded, her lips trembling with the want to say something to the effect of what was going through her mind—but she could say nor do anything to make it right. _What have I done?_

Mulder's shoulders sank as she seemingly felt nothing. He shook his head as he turned away, walking up the sidewalk towards the parking lot as she opened the box under a streetlamp. Scully's fingers fumbled with the blue ribbon on the box as she pulled it off and the top of the small, white box. _Oh, Mulder_. Her tears began to flow again as the light caught the edge of the bobble in the box. It was a pendant, with a small, yet glimmering purple stone in the center, surrounded by a silver Celtic knot design. She pulled the card open and the searing pain of shame hit her like a rock to the face.

She began to read it out loud without even thinking. "At the end of every day, the last, most precious thought that speeds through my mind is of you. You're the first thought in the morning when I open my eyes—the driving force to keep me going. I never knew how much a person could fit into my life, until I met you. I can't say this to your face—I honestly do not have the guts to find out, to even see, if you'd ever feel the way that I do. You're my fire, there's no one that can make me feel the way you do. I don't care if this sounds completely moronic or assumptive but you're MY Scully, and I hope you always will be. PS: I didn't forget this year. Happy Birthday Scully, with all that I have and all that I am, Mulder."

Scully closed her eyes, choking on the now audible fit of tears, and pressed the card to her heart. She looked down at the pendant realizing it was one of the many styles of the lovers' Celtic knot that was keeping the bobble safe. _Why couldn't you just tell him? Now you've really screwed up, Dana…he loves you. All you had to do was tell him._ She was in agony as she looked up the street to see if he was still within her line of vision. _Please don't be gone yet._

"Mulder, wait," Scully's crying was almost melodic as she attempted to run to him, her heart pounding louder with every click of the sidewalk. "Please, stop walking away from me."

He turned around, his pain showing across his face, "I trusted no one but you. You're all I have. How could you let one person, and probably the last one to allow, sway you to believe I could ever betray you? This isn't easy for me, Scully. I don't discount how difficult it may or may not be for you, but I'm lost—and I took a risk, because I needed to let it all out. I have picked up the pieces so many times, but I've done it alone, and I don't want to do it alone anymore."

Scully touched his arm, trying to find right words to show exactly how sorry she was but all that her mouth could muster was, "I don't know what to say." _Dana Katherine Scully, you're a moron, that's all you can muster! After all he revealed to you in that card? After that beautiful pendant, all you can say is 'I don't know what to say'? _

"Figures, goodnight, Scully," He started to turn away to continue his walk, away from her.

Scully's mind raced again as she watched him begin to walk away. "I'm sorry—for everything. You have never given me a reason to lose my faith in you. There's never going to be a reason for why I believed that tape was the truth to an indiscretion of any kind. I made a mistake. I should've said something over voicemail after I heard that tape—I wish I could go back and erase ever hearing it, I really do."

Mulder turned to her, reaching for her shoulder. "Scully, that conversation was me on the phone with your mother. She had picked up that gift for you, the one in your hand…because I couldn't get it without you knowing I had it. I wanted to surprise you with it but I had to drive out to get it from her and then come back…"

_Heaven help me._ Scully didn't know if it was pure adrenaline or the aid of the alcohol that drove her next actions but before he could even utter another word, she pulled him to meet an eager, frantic kiss. She wrapped her arms around his neck, sliding her fingertips up into his hair, reveling in the passionate kiss she had initiated. Mulder's hands slid around her waist, pulling her closer, into a beautiful embrace. Scully pulled away from his lips only for a moment to look into his eyes. She started to move back for another kiss when he stopped her.

"Please tell me you're still sober enough to know what you're doing right now. I don't want this to be something you regret later, because I know I won't," Mulder's eyes danced with pleasure, desire, and a fair amount of anxiety.

"I know exactly what I'm doing, Mulder—and just this once, just shut up and listen very carefully," Scully's eyes were dancing as she gazed up into his green eyes.

He nodded and allowed a few willing tears to escape his eyes, waiting eagerly for every word that would ever venture out of her mouth.

"Everything you wrote in that card, multiple that by twenty and that's how I feel inside. Every day I try to brush it off as girlish fantasies—or account it to just being so lonely but at the end of the day, you're the only man I'd ever want to think about beside me. It's so hard getting through a day without telling you, even a little bit, of how I feel about you. I don't want it to ruin what we've both worked so hard to keep together—the x files, the partnership, and the trust we've built—once we take this leap there's no going back, Mulder. I didn't know if I was ready to take that leap until I read that card," Scully looked up at him, every fiber of her being aching to stay in his arms. "I don't want to go back."

"Neither do I, not even a little bit," His eyes smiled as he looked down at this beautiful, loving woman before him.

"You don't know how good it feels to hear you say that," She closed her eyes, wrapping her mind around every word like a warm blanket.

She looked back up at him, smiling softly at the beautiful, loving man standing before her. Scully's lips parted as she pulled his into another heated, fiery kiss as the first drops of rain began to fall.

**End Chapter 4!!!! Ok yes, I think there WILL be a part 5! I need ideas people, where should this go? Should I end it now or should I go on? Sorry it took so long. I neeeeeed ideas though, loves, please let me know if you like it too!**


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